Single, Saved, and Serious

Marage Blakeney
Jun 27, 2016
4 min read

Why is it so difficult for single people to find a spouse of substance? According to divorcestatistics.org, 40-50% of marriages end in divorce within the United States. The Bureau of Labor reveals that 50.2% of individuals are single. This is a startling contrast between today and 1950, when the demographics reveal that 22% of American marital status as single. Therefore, the evidence suggests that single individuals outnumber the amount of married couples. Given this data, some people may want to send out a S.O.S (Save Our Souls) distress call to alleviate the complications that may be associated with single life. However, I believe that the acronym for S.O.S should be changed to signify a Spouse of Substance. There are many unattached individuals who are looking for love, but they "short change" themselves because their potential mate may not come in a shiny package with a nice, neat bow. I know of several single individuals who are very frustrated with today’s dating scene. The reasons for this peril vary between not enough places to meet nice and serious single individuals or great partners are already in committed relationships. However, I believe that one can find a spouse of substance.

Some people may argue that finding a strong and compatible mate is unattainable. This statement may ring true for those who subscribe to the notion of fairy tales and the knight in shining armor motifs. Interestingly, the rising popularity of social media and television has reinforced the same “Cinderella” philosophy. In fact, Variety magazine revealed that the number one reality show for viewers between the ages of 18-49 is “The Bachelor”. Recently, several television networks have flooded the airwaves with a barrage of quick romance series, such as “Match Made in Heaven” and “Coupled”. The appeal of these shows incites the idea that many viable men and women are in a pursuit of a spouse of substance. Unfortunately, everyone is not Cinderella, and the shoe size is not “one size fits most”. Therefore, single people must rely on other alternatives to meet a practical suitor. Sometimes, a person must go outside his/her comfort zone.

To answer this call, the “Single, Saved, and Serious” movement was formed. It was founded by Brandon Chuck Brown. According to his biography, “he began to hold meetings with local area singles in Charlotte, NC, asking hard-hitting questions about our Christian beliefs, our behavior and our innermost thoughts. Some of these meetings would run for 3 hours. A year later, he put his words and questions to others in a videotaping, the Single, Saved and Serious Series. First the men and then the women, from all walks of life, gave their candid answers to tough questions facing singles today.” The movement’s mission includes a decree that states “We live with self-respect, act with accountability and move with class in society. We are on a mission to dismantle what the media, social media, and radio does in setting bad examples, and promoting negative images of singles and our lifestyles.”

Recently, I attended one for their “Single” series discussions. The forum consisted of five intelligent African American male panelists from various backgrounds. The topics ranged from success to finding a suitable mate. Interestingly, one of the panelists stated that many women are falling into the pitfall of “legal prostitution”. From his perspective, he continued to add that some women are willing to lose their self-worth by wearing revealing outfits and diminishing their dignity, if the money is right. The passionate debate continued with one panelist stating that Black families have lost their true identity because “we have not healed properly from slavery”. This is a profound statement considering that Africans were stripped from their families, faith, and community when slaves were brought over in chains to America. Therefore, the notion of kings and queens raising their potential prince(s) and princess(es) was disrupted.

However, the most fascinating comment came from a “Neo-Renaissance Brother” by the name of Geoffrey Knox. As the Chief Executive Officer and Host of Thunderstorm Media, and a gospel hip-hop artist, Geoffrey has emerged as a pioneer in multiple ways. His poignant question posed to the audience attending the “Single, Saved, and Serious” discussion was “why does the Bible not mention the reason that God loves us”. I was intrigued and baffled by this question, as well as many of those in attendance. His answer was simple; “there is no reason given because God has no conditions”. In the context of his rebuttal during the fervent debate, Geoffrey noted that “God is going to change you and the other person (potential mate)”. He further elaborated on his statement by alluding to Proverbs 31, “he who FINDS a wife, FINDS favor with God”.

At the end of the zealous conversation, I found solace in knowing that many of my single brothers and sisters may find a suitable mate. The only S.O.S distress call should be made to the Creator to change our own perspective to be receptive to the fact that we must change ourselves and not our idealized prospective “trophy” mate. When we realize that the real gift is a new and improved you, we will be prepared for an ultimate S.O.S – a spouse of substance.